I never knew that I needed holy friendships until I found them. Or maybe I should say, until God sent me some wonderful women as friends. As we leave the innocence of youth and grow into adults who start to develop more lasting relationships, we realize just how important it is to create and foster friendships with people who truly care about the well-being of our souls, who lead us closer to Christ, and who help strengthen our faith. These holy friendships are marked by a mutual desire to see the other person reach their God-given potential, challenge us to think outside of our own little world, and give us the opportunity to grow as children of God.
Two events in my life have given me wonderful holy friendships. After the birth of my first child, I joined a breastfeeding support group through the hospital where I gave birth. There were several other women there, and we became close. To make room for new members, the hospital only allowed moms to stay in the group for three months, but we didn’t want to give up our newfound camaraderie, so we began meeting at each other’s houses. We did this each week for nearly five years, until I moved away.
READ: How I Found Friends Through Faith: Trusting God to Bring Meaningful Connections
But the amazing thing is that what started as casual friendships soon became something more; they turned into holy friendships. Of the eight women in the group, seven were Christian and lived their faith proudly. Our years together afforded us many opportunities to talk about faith, to celebrate holy days together, and to simply live our faith openly and proudly.
To this day, nearly 30 years later, several of us are still close, and one woman is one of my best friends. We text nearly every day and talk frequently. We pray for each other’s children. We talk about our spirituality, the books we are reading, and the podcasts we are listening to. And because of this friendship, we grow in faith together.
Her presence in my life has not only strengthened my faith and given me courage, but it has also strengthened me. I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t had her support throughout the years.
Today, I am in a group of moms at my church. We meet weekly to discuss a Catholic book, and we all benefit from each other’s wisdom and thoughts about family, the Church, and other faith-based topics. Each woman has something to offer as we nurture our faith and learn together.
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These women have taught me so much, but most importantly, they have taught me that we are not meant to live without holy friends and without others to support us, to encourage our faith, and to build us up when we need it. All of us from the original group have faced difficulties in life — as everyone does — and knowing that we can seek each other’s guidance for empathy, for wisdom, and for Christlike advice gives us a glimpse of God’s holy love.
This is what we need as Catholics. When we look at the secular world and what it offers, we see a focus on materialism and on doing what “feels good.” But we don’t always see an emphasis on doing what’s right according to God’s laws. People often justify doing what they desire by saying, “God would want you to be happy.” But they are missing the big picture. We cannot ask God to conform to our wishes. We must conform our lives to his laws. Holy friendships help us understand that life isn’t all about happiness or doing what we want. After all, happiness is a fleeting emotion. Life is about saying yes to God so that we can spend eternity with him. Though it’s not always easy, we must sometimes forgo immediate “happiness” for the well-being of our eternal souls.
Holy friendships lead us to an understanding of this truth. In a book entitled “Spiritual Friendship,” St. Aelred of Rievaulx wrote, “Friendship will be full of riches for those who cherish it when it is completely centered upon God; for those whom friendship joins together, it immerses in the contemplation of God.”
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Good and holy friends give us these riches. They care about our souls and prepare us for eternal life and eternal friendship with God. When we work at fostering these friendships, we truly can make a difference in someone’s life. We pass along our faith and our wisdom to someone who may desperately need it, help them better understand God’s love through us, and teach the beauty of our faith.
So I encourage you to look at the friends in your life. Are they holy friends? Do they want to see you go to heaven? If so, great! If not, find friends who do care about your soul. Join church groups, volunteer within your community, attend diocese-wide retreats or other events, and talk with existing friends openly about your faith. You may be surprised how that deepens some friendships. Finally, become that friend who cares about the souls of the people closest to you. I promise you that, when you find these friendships, your life will be much richer and you will find yourself growing ever closer to God as you experience the most glorious friendship of all.
